One
of the greatest responsibilities we have is to support ourselves
and others in living at our highest and best. Whether we're parents,
partners, friends or leaders, it's incumbent upon us to help others
to live as close to their unique potential as we can.
With everything we say and do, we're influencing - positively or
negatively - the people we care about. The ideal is to do this with
consideration and intention. Here are ten ways you can help others
see and realize the best that's within them.
Believe in Them
We all have self-doubts from time to time. Our confidence is shaken.
We lack the faith in our talents and skills to go for an important
promotion or launch a new initiative. Having someone believe in
you at these times is priceless. The stories of great men and women
are saturated with examples of someone who believed in them even
when they didn't fully believe in themselves.
Encourage Them
"You can do it." "I know you can." These are words that are all-too-infrequently
voiced. Sincere encouragement can go a long way in helping someone
stay the course. The more specific you are, the better the results.
"I remember when you got through your slump last year and ended
up winning the sales contest. I'm willing to bet that you'll do
even better this time."
Expect a Lot
We're often told not to get our hopes up. We're encouraged to have
REALISTIC expectations. But when it comes to helping others operate
at their best, we sometimes have to up-level our expectations. This
can be taken to extremes, but there are many times when a teacher,
a parent or even a boss has required more of us than we thought
we were capable. And we've risen to the challenge which enabled
us to see further than before.
Tell the Truth
And tell it with compassion. We often avoid telling the hard truth
because we don't want to upset anyone. We want to be NICE. But telling
the truth is a loving act. You may be the only person who can or
will say to another what needs to be said. And you can confront
someone without being combative. See Top Ten Ways to Confront Without
Being Combative.
Be a Role Model
One of the best ways we influence is by our own actions. Who we
are speaks much more loudly than what we say. Don't think that people
aren't watching you. They are. And they're registering everything
about you consciously and unconsciously. We automatically emulate
our role models. And we're ALL role models to someone so let's be
good ones.
Share Yourself
Too often, we miss the value of sharing our failings. We don't want
to be vulnerable so we hold back. In doing so, we deprive others
of our experience, our learning and our humanity. When you share
from your own experience - especially your failures - you increase
empathy, you're more approachable and you increase your relatability
to others.
Challenge Them
The word "challenge" has some negative connotations. The meaning
we're using here is, "a test of one's abilities or resources in
a demanding but stimulating undertaking." We all need to be challenged
from time to time. Doing it for another is an art form. Go too far
and it will backfire. Go too easy and you will appear patronizing.
Remind people of their commitment to being their best and state
your challenge. "I challenge you to overcome these unimportant opinions
and get on with the real task at hand, get the job done, make the
commitment, etc."
Ask Good Questions
A good therapist or coach doesn't tell their clients what to do.
They ask good questions in order for the client to understand themselves
better, to get clear on what the issue is and from there to make
good choices. You can do the same. By asking elegant questions,
you cause people to think and come up with solutions. They'll appreciate
it. Gary Lockwood has a good article about this called Asking Intelligent
Questions with Impact.
Acknowledge Them
You find what you're looking for. If you're looking for the best
in someone, you'll see it. If you're looking for their failings,
you'll see those. Catch people doing things right and tell them.
When we acknowledge the good deeds of others, they tend to do more
of them. Write a note. Send a card. Give them a call. Praise them
in front of others.
Spend Time with Them
We love what we give our time to. By devoting your most precious
resource (time) to another individual, you're showing them that
you truly value them and your relationship with them. Invest time
in your relationships; it's what life is made of.
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