My mother (age 85) is most assuredly suffering from Narcissistic Personality Disorder. As her son (age 45), I have finally limited contact with her to holiday cards, but no phone conversations. She continues to call and write.

I revealed my homosexuality to her at age 17, and she has never accepted it. Her relentless campaign to "fix me" has resulted in years of verbal and written abusive contempt and condemnation. I finally cut the cord when I began having strong suicidal urges after the last in person visit in Feb. '97. (Loving father, deceased 1990)

I learned about NPD this year, and it has helped a lot. I've also read about BPD. I am wondering if I am a clinical BPD, or whether these symptoms are less than pathological.

What I have found since creating a safe space for myself is that I have calmed down a lot, don't feel suicidal, have reduced or eliminated substance dependence, and have been feeling a greater sense of self, with positive self image.

However...I find any exposure to my mother triggers flare ups of BPD symptoms. It's gotten to the point where I become dysphoric when I erase an unanswered, unheard telephone message. It's like I've stayed too long at the dysfunctional family fair, and now I just can't take any more negative stimulus. Of course, in her mind, she's never done anything to hurt me, and I'm being terrible for not being what she wants me to be.

So finally the question: Are the formation of Borderline characteristics common in the children of narcissists? Does this mean that a full blown BPD diagnosis is most always the case in someone tied to a narcissistic personality (parent/child, husband/wife, etc?)

I am most concerned with the career self destructive aspects of BPD...it's my main struggle in life, and is the leading reason I'm thinking I'm a Borderline.

A. BPD is frequently co-morbid with narcissistic PD. No one has done a trial to look at genetics, and which kinds of parents breed what kinds of children. If you are curious about whether you have BPD or not, get a good psychiatric evaluation and ask the doctor flat out if you have BPD. You cannot change your past. Whether mom gave you BPD (if you have it) genetically or environmentally or both, it still needs treated.