Q. I am fairly new to the board and I have be a some strange kind of scary things. Since I have been home my husband has been very argumental. I can't even open my mouth or look at him with out him won't to star a fight. This after a had a really bad weekend and really bottomed out. I was crying and I could not stop. I was almost like out side myself. I couldn't talk and I just had tears running down my face. I had happened to have taped to conversation and he got even angrier. Well, the fight insured as I remained quite. My so Nick gets in the front and sees me upset. "what did you do to mommy?" DADDY "did you hurt her/" DADDY WHAT DID YOU DO???????? I hear this as the way to my parent's home and forced to keep my mouth closed. During this I'm feeling the cycle starting, I'm still outside of my self, my mother seeing me upset automatically blamed it on me for what ever it was he said. When she came to pick me up the next day I was still lost somewhere in the cycle. She told me just to ignore what he said and I said after trying to tell her I was so upset, she was irritated. I told her to get the F____! out of my house if she wasn't going to even try to support me. I ran upstairs and whacked my head through a door and then suddenly I was on the bottom. I sat in front of the window just thinking about ending it. The only way I could settle myself down was to slice the side of my wrist. It has a real gush of relieve, so I sliced it again. It ended up having to be "glued" shut, but I just said I broke a bowl. I have first started to ground by myself by biting. I figured that if it had ended (IE removing a large chunk out of my arm would be too hard to explain) I couldn't believe how cold I got. during a crisis my hands and feet get cold and it slowly crept up my other limbs to the point where I was so cold. I could not stand it. I called the psychiatrist first thing on Monday. She added ativan to help control anxiety I also take Wellbutrin 150 x2,BuSpar15mg and Neurontin 300mg x3 The Wellbutrin is fine. I have been more comfortable on this . She suggested that I think about going back into the hospital even though she knew that I really didn't I just want to get better. I really do not want to go back to the hospital. You get in the facility and you find out that to effectively participate that your shoestrings will be confiscated and that you will have to "SHARE" with 40 other people that don't give a crap about you or your problems and sometime getting so angry because everybody is stupid and whinny. 5 or 10 at a time I could do.
So in the end how bad would you consider BAD enough to consider going back in the hospital?
A. Sounds like your medications are not working completely. It is hard to tell what is going on without seeing you, but it sounds as if you are having out of body experiences known as depersonalization and derealization. These are symptoms of your illness. So is the self-injury. So is the irritability. I would follow your doctor's advice, however, and return to the hospital if this is what he or she suggests. Hospitals leave a lot to be desired, but they are probably your best option to get medications that will help you.
