Q. I have a very close friend who had been diagnosed several years ago with BPD. She is also epileptic, and has been in and out of mental hospitals and counseling most of her life. At present time, she does not want to seek any more professional help either medically or emotionally. Her seizures are uncontrollable . She has given up. I am not a professional counselor by far. but I am her best friend.

Recently she has been in these "moods" where her "feelings" take over, and no matter what I say, I fear for her life. She has come close to suicide attempts twice in the last month. What are some things I should avoid saying to her? (to spurn her on to suicide attempts) What are some things that I should say to her? Is there hope?

I will be making a trip to Alaska where she lives next week for a two week visit...I sure could use some info before I leave.

A. This is a tough question. Because of my biological-based view of the illness, it is like asking me how you can better treat someone with insulin dependent diabetes who refuses to take their medications. The epilepsy will make treatment difficult under the best of circumstances. All I can tell you is to try and not be antagonistic, which you probably are not or you would never have had the consideration to write or look up data on this site. Avoid conflict and provocative topics. Other than that, try and damp down any emotional outbursts she has by saying, "I am here because I am your friend, not your enemy," or "Let's not fight, and have as good a time as we can. I believe in you and want to be with you." Neither of these statements agrees with her statements or behaviors, but affirms your support for her as a person, which is what being a friend is all about.