Q. I have been in the hospital four times and to numerous therapists and since the first psychiatrist I had seen diagnosed me with Bipolar, all the rest have done the same. I know that I have borderline. My mother has borderline and she also can't get help. If I tell a therapist that I have borderline they don't believe me. I conceal how I feel with everyone, afraid of their reaction. I live in constant torment. I constantly feel empty and helpless and at times have so much anxiety that I feel that I am going to explode. I know that all that I have read about the illness is true. I can't be in therapy for a long time. I have trouble trusting anyone and always feel that I am wrong or inappropriate. I don't know where to turn. I live in NJ and am looking for a lead somewhere. I have been out of work now for three years and it is not getting better. The distrust is a catch 22. I feel like I can't do any of this on my own and lose faith in anyone helping me after one visit. I don't want to go to the hospital again. When I get there I start to regress even more. I can't take being around people at all, especially people with borderline or a similar disorder. I need help but I don't know where to find it.
A. BPD is frequently called bipolar in a hospital because a diagnosis of BPD is not paid for by the insurance companies since it is viewed as a "personality disorder" and not amenable to change. It is amenable to change. Even if it were not, you still need to be hospitalized if you are suicidal.
I do not know where you live in New Jersey, nor do I know of any specific treatment programs in NJ. I would recommend a frank discussion with your current doctor about your belief you have BPD, and see if you can get on alternative medications, if the current ones are not working. There are plenty of references on this site about medications with supporting research articles published in well known psychiatric journals.
