Q. I've always felt, completely vulnerable. Talking to my sister for the first time in a long time, she talked about being able to put up walls and withdraw. She says she just forgets what's unpleasant. She was always a stoic little kid, rarely cried, wouldn't give them the satisfaction. Even now, I have no control over my tears. I think I think that might happen in borderline is just a basic sensitivity that is more acute than most people, just being on the end of the bell curb. I've always felt quicker to despair and quicker to joy and unfortunate VERY reactive to criticism. Maybe the super sensitives who grow up in homes where they are more protected are still hurt and vulnerable, but are able to take the love and certainty from the home and use it as a stable base. While those of us with more problems in the home, learn the approach-avoidance dance and that is the basis of borderline personality disorder. Self-injury is discovered as a tool or mechanism to spill emotional pain into physical pain, which is easier to endure. Sorry, long thoughts. But I've had a long time to think about these things. Maybe the we lack the defense mechanisms others have and so depend too much on others to defend what we can't? And when they are imperfect in protecting us, our desperation is rage?

What do you think, does this make any sense to you? I found learning endurance (accepting the fear and pain) makes me a better person to live with, a better person altogether, but learning to stretch it has been a long, involved and incomplete task.

This is what I've learned from within borderline, maybe I can help others understand from this point of view.

 

 A. Good insights. You may be interested in reading the book The Highly Sensitive Person. I do not recall the name of the author at this time. I found the book to be very interesting as it tried to explain certain diagnoses as being rooted in high emotional sensitivity. I think the author's viewpoints and yours are very similar.