Q. My younger sister (18) has been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, and is a terror in the household. She has many episodes in which she just about loses all control (or so she would like us to think- I am certain she is very aware of what she is doing, since she won't throw just anything in the house). During these episodes which are brought on either by anger or plain boredom, she will attack me physically (the verbal abuse I can take) usually with no forewarning at all, throw heavy objects at me, destroy my property, scream at the top of her lungs to embarrass the family, etc.

My questions are: 1)How do I prevent these attacks from occurring? (She refuses to take medication any longer although it actually did reduce such symptoms.)

2)How do I react during the attacks and behave towards her afterwards, or the next day when she has calmed down? Whenever I approach her to discuss what happened, she either denies everything (claiming she never did a thing, it was my fault or I deserved it), or goes into another rage. No matter how I attempt to approach the subject. I've tried quite a few techniques. She is usually content to either not speak with me, ignore me or glare at me after such episodes, and the next day she mainly behaves as though nothing at all happened and I have no right to hold any grudge (my mother asks me to go along with this). What should I do?

 

 A. I'm not sure what you meant by "my mother asked me to go along with it". Nobody should have to "go along" with verbal and/or physical abuse. Obviously, I'm not aware of the details of your family (ages, makeup, etc..) but from your description it appears that everyone involved is a legal adult and has the power to decide whether they want to live in the household or not. Perhaps your mother has decided that this behavior is acceptable in your house. You may not agree and may want to consider your options. Perhaps your mother is just scared and knows of no way to manage your younger sister other than to allow her to behave that way.

Regardless, it appears that confrontation and/or discussion with your sister often leads to little or no difference. Helping her to see that her behavior and or symptoms were under better control when she was taking her medication also does not seem to be helping. It appears that your only valid strategy is to maintain your safety and protect yourself. You may want to call 911 or your local authorities the next time she acts out. Getting local law enforcement involved creates a public record of her behavior which you and your family may find useful if you need to get her into treatment or convince her that she needs to stay in treatment. It also eliminates "reality distortions" where one person (often the one with bpd) denies past behavior and attempts to distort the past or present. No matter, your safety has to come first. Staying in a situation where physical and verbal abuse are apparently expected and condoned is very unhealthy. You may want to consider moving out.