Q. I have been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and depression. My husband and I are both in individual therapy but he often cancels his therapy. We also are in marriage therapy. He is non-compliant with his meds and often states that I am the one with the problem. I am compliant with meds but have a hard time with SIB. I just found out that my husband is hiding information about our finances and that he changed his mailing address without telling me. HELP, this type of thing has happened again and again even though trust and his lying is a big issue for me. He was the one person that I thought I could trust and he continually betrays me. I teach children with handicaps and love it. He works with disabled adults and claims that he has better things to do than changing diapers. Is there help for us? Is there a chance for our relationship? We have been married for 14 years and have known each other for 7 additional years. We have a 7 year old son with autism and a 5 year old daughter. I want my kids to grow up happy and without an abusive family as I grew up in. We both try with our kids but my husband yells and they keep talking about how angry Dad is all the time. My husband's anger is also a trigger for me and is a therapy issue for him.

 

 A. It sounds that you have many of the ingredients for successful treatment (couple's therapy, individual therapy, medications, some motivation) but for what ever reason aren't always compliant with the treatment. You and your husband may need to discuss the issues on non-compliance, why this occurs for the both of you, and what meaning it holds for your relationship. Not taking medications, canceling appointments, keeping secrets is the recipe for failure. These issues need to be explored first before any discussion about further treatment options.