Helpful
Advice from BPDs to Other BPDs
If
you would like to offer some helpful advice to other people
with the BPD send your advice to with
"bpdtbpd"
in the subject.
For
many years I lived in my own special world. It was the only
safe haven I ever had. Unfortunately, I unwittingly cheated
myself at the same time. Part of the problem was my inability
to trust. If you can't rely on your parents for much of anything
or at all, then you won't feel comfortable about trusting others.
It's not that I haven't wanted to. But I found myself being
let down time and again by each attempt I made to get close
to someone.
Perhaps,
I was so needy that I had unrealistic expectations of what any
person could give to me. Is it fair to expect someone else to
make up for all the needs that were never met? I don't think
this kind of thinking is helpful for recovery.
The hard part is finding my own answers to this ongoing problem.
One insight that I've had so far is that seeing life as all
or nothing is totally senseless and keeps me from progressing
to certain level on happiness and contentment that I wish to
feel. The other insight that I have learned with the aide of
my counselor, is that I often have this nasty little voice in
my head that tells me this happiness I feel at the moment won't
last. As if I don't deserve it. In other words, I am sabotaging
my own chances for what I crave the most.
Despite all the hell I have endured, I am not giving up. Nor
will I run away from these challenges that life presents me
with. Someday, I will find a way to deal with all these problems
as much as anyone can at any one time.
Perhaps the first goal to set is to have realistic and meaningful
relationships with my own family. It has helped greatly to have
a very special grandmother who'd listen to me and is supportive
of me. She always encourages me not to give up. We have been
close enough so that my grandmother has come to me for support
when her troubles were great. In the past I would feel that
I couldn't be of any help to anyone since I was so caught up
in my own problems for so long.
I also have taken steps to get involved with church related
activities which give me a healthier sense of self worth and
the chance to have contact with others. From helping out in
my son's school, I found I enjoy working with children. They
are wonderful little people.
To sum up what seems to be helpful for me is:
1. Being able to see things as not just black and white.
2. Having a certain amount of human contact. Learning they are
dealing with the same everyday problems as I do from a parental
perspective.
3. Getting the kind of help I can only get from my counselor.
That includes getting taking my medicine on a regular basis
but at the same time accepting that medicine is only a small
part of the answer.
4. Keeping a regular routine but being flexible when needed
is necessary.
5. Accepting that for know I am only capable of accomplishing
so much. If I try to do too much, I will simply end up overwhelmed
and depressed. Perhaps even become suicidal again. That is something
I truly want to avoid. I have four young sons that mean a great
deal to me.
6. Being able to realize that I have been given many blessings
in life and to recall this in times of turmoil.
7. Accepting that I have a real problem that I can't fix alone
and realizing that I am no less of a person because of it. I
chose not to explain any of my personal experiences since it
very similar to the others who have written. I hope that anyone
who sees this, realizes that I have been there too and
it is possible to overcome but it takes time. My struggles helps
me to give old clichéd statements my own personal meaning. How
many have heard the saying "Rome was not built in a day?"
Its very annoying, but very true. I wish the best for all
of you who are still struggling.
