Q. It started in 1997. I saw a psychiatrist (part of my family doctor's HMO) for possible use of anti-depressants and he diagnosed me BPD after asking questions for half an hour. He thought some anti-depressants were a good idea and then that was it; he did not recommend that I read anything or get some kind of support. I investigated the diagnosis and was really upset. I was set to enter voluntarily a PTSD program in about a month and decided that I would wait and see. They diagnosed dissociate disorder NOS and borderline tendencies. I was put on an anti-psychotic. Eventually I went on an anti-depressant (to the maximum dosage) and then eventually I ended up taking no meds (June 1999) except tranquilizers and sleeping meds on a PRN basis. I went back voluntarily to the same PTSD program in 1998/99. I was diagnosed PTSD and dependent personality disorder. I finished the program and about 4 months later ended up in the hospital and was there for a month. I am now diagnosed with PTSD and BPD. I hate being BPD. I grew up with BPD's and I do not want to be like them; and I do think I'm different. I have a young son and I don't want to screw him up because of my BPD-ness (ala "I hate you - don't leave me". That book is not helping me get out of this spiral). I am having a lot of trouble accepting the BPD diagnosis. My therapist recommended that I read the aforementioned book and I don't know what kind of path we are taking for treatment. I am familiar with cognitive behavioral therapy and I practice it, but I seem to be losing my stamina. I'm just trying not to do anything stupid or accidental. Do you have any guidance with respect to the issue of acceptance.

A. No good ideas on acceptance. It is a chemical disease like cancer, diabetes, asthma, or hypertension. Like it or not, you got it. The important thing to do is get better. By the way, there is no such thing as maximum dose of medication. What is in the package insert is only what the drug was tested to. We routinely use higher dosages of meds (see earlier letters ).