Q. My wife of three years has bpd. needless to say she has interrelation problems. she is tired of being a mother and housewife and spends large amount of time away from home . when she is home she is very unhappy. also we have two children (they are both hers from two previous marriages) after sharing my life for seven years including the three being married .

she now doesn't want to hurt me any more and begs me to leave. she has been going to therapy for this problem but she sees no hope or cure. I am to the point where I can't handle it. now my own problems seem to make her worse. am I hurting her by staying and trying to keep this family to gather or should I consider leaving her so she will think I'm better off. and she will fell like she saved me from living in pain?  thanks for your time.

A. I do not have a good answer. If she has BPD, and has not been on medications, she has not really ever been treated in a manner known to be effective. This should be done by a doctor to see if it helps. For some folks it is a miracle in how much they change and how better they feel.

You may need to talk you situation over with her therapist, and see what the therapist says about your living situation. The therapist will have a better feel for the situation than I could, and will have a ton more insight on the subject. Things may be resolvable or not, but this is the therapists field of expertise.