Q. I have carried the BPD diagnosis for about 10 years, but my drug use was so out of control for most of that time that therapy couldn't possibly work. I now have the drug use under control, with methadone, (for which I thank God on a daily basis, AA simply did not work for me). Now, however the doctors have me on Celexa, Neurontin 800 mg tid, and Tegretol 200 qam and 400 @hs. I am also taking Remeron 15mg @hs. But I now see only a nurse practitioner not an MD and she won't listen to my concerns. I am much mellower, much more smooth, on this regimen, but maybe too smooth. Is there such a thing? I certainly don't feel like myself and it makes me really sad if the point all along was to medicate the passion and zest out of my life?? But, then why was I trying to kill myself with the drugs if I wanted to so much to live life with this . . . oh, I really do recognize the paradox. Just wondering how long it will be before I know if it is too much or if this is just how most people do life?

A. A great question. While I know little about you, there are some easy inferences to make. If you have lived on the edge your whole life, are you now "normal" and do not like it because it is not how you learned to live, or is it that you are too controlled on the medications.

Broach it nicely with the nurse. I honestly do not know the answer, and for the life of me, do not want to give you any advice that will cause you harm.