Q. I grew up thinking I was normal aside from the fact that everyone hated me and my parents psychologically abandoned me at times I needed them most. My behavioral symptoms undoubtedly match classical borderline descriptions, with a strong OCD component.

I became seriously depressed when sixteen and until I started TM in college. At that point my moods shifted to include both extremes. This lessened when I stopped meditating some years later.

When I was put on haldol 23 years ago at the age of 23, I had a regressive experience where I reconnected with the infant/toddler that I had originally split from. I remembered then having a dream where when I woke up I realized I had been banished from being who I was because of some very bad thing. The parallel to Genesis was striking. I thought that I was healed, however, I got an excruciating physical backlash, a squeezing down on me all over that literally squeezed that awakened part of my brain back out again. I had to go off the haldol. However, ever since that reconnection - a spiritual experience for me - it helps to know that a fundamental healthy child lives within me no matter how I'm feeling. Notwithstanding that I began to feel terrible religious worries that tormented me.

Three years ago it got really bad during a job and therapist transition. My wife forced me to crawl into my doctor's office and received Luvox. I've been doing worlds better ever since on 100 mg a day. However, I could be doing much better still. I go up and down. I know you suggest between 300 and 400 mgs. However, I also have epilepsy. Seizures became more frequent when I started Luvox and I had to go on medication. (I had previously been attempting to stop the seizures holistically.) My doctor strongly recommended Dilantin over the other medications and I find it has worked perfectly. However, I fear that raising my dosage of Luvox may make other meds with more worrisome side effects necessary. Finally, I have had a problem staying awake at work since taking Luvox and don't want that to get worse. Now that I haven't gotten seizures for several years I would like to start driving again, but I fear falling asleep behind the wheel. And still, finally, my sexual function has been affected, though not greatly. I don't want that to get much worse either.

I have just found this web site and find it enormously enlightening. I appreciate any insight you can give me.

A. You need to be on an antiepileptic, but there is also a chance that the epilepsy could be part of the cause of your problems. Ask your doctor where it is, and if it could contribute to your symptoms. As far as seizures, if you are well controlled, higher dosages of antidepressants should be considered. You should obviously review this with your psychiatrist, and go up slowly on your antidepressant dosage.

You may want to use Effexor or Zoloft to treat the OCD. They have a lot less sedation than Luvox. They also will not interact near as much with your antiepileptic drug's metabolism.