Q. I experience myself very often as different people, and it seems to me that the internal personalities are divided into emotions. I have become aware that when I am actually experiencing feelings I seem to be about four years old and have unusually high expectations of the person I am with. This leads to utter disappointment and often more hurt feelings. Later, in retrospection the feelings seem ridiculous and I wonder if I actually was feeling them or just some part of me was 'out'. I am ashamed by the ridiculousness of my feelings and this me to believe I am better off without feeling. Don't worry even I am confused by all this. My question is with my diagnosis of BPD am I to remain a perpetual four-year-old emotionally? Intellectually, I am very advanced, but it bothers me that no matter how smart I get, I am unable to change the trodden paths of feelings that seem so underdeveloped in relation to maturity.

A. You probably have depersonalization/derealization, and this is when you feel like you are four years old. It has nothing to do with how smart you are, as it is just part of your physical illness. You cannot think it away. Many folks with BPD have similar experiences. You need to be on medications. If you are, it is possibly either not enough or the wrong one.