Q. Our daughter in law has been diagnosed with BPD along with some degree of bi polar. She and our son now have a baby. They are on welfare. She was fired from her most recent job for verbal abuse and insubordination. (She has been fired from other jobs for similar actions.) She is beginning to receive some minimal counseling and has seen a psychiatrist who has put her on Klonopin and Depakote.

She has just begun her medication (again) and she has been riding the roller coaster progressively for several weeks. Our son catches the brunt of her continual abuse and she is beginning to shout and yell in front of/at the baby.

We are worried for the baby's safety and for our son's ability to control himself when she persists in her verbal attacks. Her driving is becoming erratic and she refuses to moderate her driving when requested to do so by our son.

Is there cause for concern, particularly for the baby's safety?

Would it be wise for him to leave with the baby before something more serious happens?

Is there any hope that she will be a good, sensitive, caring, nurturing mother? (What's the likelihood based on your experience?)

Obviously we are in desperate need of counsel ourselves as parents/grand parents.

  A. Borderlines tend to lose behaviors they view as problematic when they are willing and properly medicated/counseled. If she has not desire to change, or sees no problem with her actions, she will not change. The baby is at higher risk than if she was normal, but I cannot predict how she might act toward the child or your son. It is all right to show compassion for her illness, but this does not include putting a child at risk. If the risk is high you will need to take action. What action depends on the risk and the situation.