Q. I am the adoptive mother of a very bright five year old boy who may have Borderline Personality Disorder. I have just started researching this disorder so I am not clear how it is manifested in such a young child, however, his emotions and expression are abnormal when compared with other children. Sasha feels ignored when he is not the focus of attention, expresses anger by whining all the time (he did this every 5 minutes when he was two years old), he plays "Tag, You're It" (projection) which results in my having to go "flat-line" to be able to "live" with him. He seems to be incapable of forming true intimate relationships (his grandmother spent hours with him and since we have moved he has never mentioned her or said that he misses her - as opposed to my other daughter who is also adopted). He seems VERY manipulative but in reading the literature on BPD this is a form of self-preservation. He at the moment is whining which is about the 10th time today since a friend from school came over - my translation of this is that he can't control her behavior the way he wants to. Both my husband and I are strong people so he is constantly frustrated at his inability to control the household but ! I am constantly frustrated at his trying to control it. I need help and need to know if this is BPD or just a completely arrogant, selfish, proud personality and HOW does one live with that?

  A. It could be depression or a host of other biological illnesses. It may be BPD, but does not sound like a classical presentation. Even if it is, now is the time to get after it so it goes away. Go to see a good child psychopharmacologist, and get him diagnosed correctly, and then on the right medications. His life and yours should both improve with just a bit of luck.