Q. I've been searching for some time to try and get some help/diagnosis for my fianc�'s son (whose father refuses to see any real disorder in his son).He is 18 yrs old and displays traits of both dependent and avoidant personality disorders. He is overly dependent upon his father and has very few friends. He continuously mimics his fathers behaviors even down to the point of taking the same steps with him and following him around the house (even into the bathroom). For example, he and his father were waiting for a concert to begin and his father was pacing back and forth. Each time his father took a step, Aaron took the exact same steps behind him. When his father sat, he sat, when his father stood, he stood, when his father went to the bathroom, he followed (get the picture?) At times, he'll even greet him at his father's car when he comes home from work and will follow him into his bedroom as he changes clothes.
When he finds an interest, he'll obsess over it; for example, paint ball, video games, and TV. One day while I was at his house, he came out of his room 3 times wearing his paint ball mask to show me. He spent the past 2 1/2 days talking about paint ball and nothing else. He will do this for days on end and will seek his father several times throughout the course of an afternoon to show him paint ball on the internet, paint ball on TV, or whatever.
Whenever his father is over my house, He will call just to talk to him and tell him about a TV show, football game, or something trivial. Whenever I speak to him, it normally involves his father and will say something to the effect of "gee, I can't wait until my father sees the big bump I got on my head during paint ball" or "My dad will freak when he sees what I did." and on and on and on.
He is extremely unsure of himself and has to constantly seek his father's advice on even the simplest of life's tasks. He calls his father several times a day just to tell him about something and if they are together, he will preface whatever he has to say by saying "hey dad." This goes on for hours on end.
In addition, he is small for his age and has a speech impediment; he talks so fast that one cannot understand him. He is easily excited and overreacts to life in general (pouts very easily and gets his feelings hurt over the slightest comment or ridicule). It took him over a year to learn how to drive and has had 3 accidents in one year.
For an 18 year old boy, his behaviors are odd. If I could sum up his personality, he seems like a 5 year old in a man's body. He needs help but I can't get his father to recognize that he does need help and I don't know where to begin. Thank you for your time.
A. Based on your description of him it would seem that your intuition is quite accurate. He is now an 18 year old young man, not a young boy in his early stages of growth and development. The behaviors you described are within the range of what can be expected for a boy about 5-7 years old but not for a young man. What you have described appears to be anxiety-based behavior which likely centers around feelings of uncertainty and poorly developed self-efficacy (i.e., believing he has the ability to handle and manage situations effectively). In addition, it may be likely that his father is contributing to these feelings and behaviors (rather unintentionally) if he is reinforcing his behavior by responding with advice and direction rather than instilling in Aaron that he does have the ability and capacity to do things well and correctly.. Therapy can help in several ways. First, it will help Aaron to explore and identify his own feelings about himself and it can also help the family understand how each other may have contributed to Aaron's development and current state. As always, understanding the situation and creating corrective experiences for Aaron will be more helpful than "just doing more of the same". As we all know by now, blaming has no positive value in this process. Best wishes.
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