Q. My high functioning Borderline Personality Wife has been in counseling for almost two years. Today, we both met with her therapist. My wife's therapist is very kind and gentle. However, I think it's high time she dealt with things that she continues to rehash after bringing them up? When the counselor commended me for staying with her given my wife's borderline, narcissistic mother because lesser men would not have, my wife's response was "Well that would not have helped me any." I'm confused by how selfish she is sometimes, but yet loves to talk about her therapist ad-nausium.

 

A. I'm not sure I understand your question fully but my comment would be two-fold. First, remember that people with bpd struggle with attention that is directed toward others and usually do something to re-direct the attention back to them. In this case, your wife commented on how it wouldn't have helped her. One sign of good progress in her treatment will be when she can direct her attention away from herself and really pay attention to other people's needs. Lastly, the setting may have had something to do with her comments. You were in "her" therapist's office talking about "her" treatment. Usually the focus in a setting like that is around things to help "her". And, in this case, her comment about you perhaps leaving would indeed NOT have helped her.

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