Borderline Personality Disorder in Older People

by Patty Pheil M.S.W.

It is well known that many people with the borderline personality disorder (BPD) "get better" as they age. They experience less symptoms and lead a calmer life. This is not true of everyone but for many this is the case.

See the research on this.

Something else happens as a person with the BPD ages. She (75% are female) isolates more and avoids relationships as she grows older. Again, this appears to be a trend but everyone is different.

One of the criteria for the borderline disorder in the DSM IV is "a pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation." Because she experiences so much intensity in her relationships, experiencing much emotional pain and chaos, she seems to "burn out" in later years.

One woman wrote "I was diagnosed with BPD about 10 years ago but mostly have been treated for depression for clinicians without much BPD experience. Anyway, while I used to have unstable relationships with a lot of volatility and craziness when someone left me, now I just don't have relationships. I've kept myself away from any kind of romantic relationship for years, and while I have relationships with a few family members, I don't share a lot of what is going on.

I spent one year about three years ago entirely isolated -- I stayed home and didn't talk to anyone. Now I'm a little more social but generally I don't talk to people about personal things and even when I'm at a social engagement I enjoy I have to come home and balance it out with hours and hours (usually at least 24 hours) of being alone.

Part of it is that I just became so horrified at my own behavior toward people I cared about that I cut myself off from everyone. When I'm by myself I can be in my own little fantasy world, and even though it is lonely, it is less lonely than being with other people and having to face the fact that I just don't have a lot to offer anymore.

I'm going to be 40 in a few months, and I've lost so much -- career-wise, intelligence-wise, socially -- due to this illness that I'm not the same person I used to be and I can't like who I am. I barely have a life. I'm just curious if social avoidance is where other borderlines head as they get older. It IS less painful than the craziness."

This woman's letter was presented to many people in my newsletter and people were asked to write back if they share a similar story. These stories can be found below: