Borderline Personality Disorder in Older People

Well, I was very interested to read what other “older” BPD’s have to say about isolating from relationships and social gatherings. I am 44 years old and was diagnosed just prior to turning forty. While most of the time I am symptom free, like all of us I de-compensate under stress and have sought ways to eliminate stressful situations. I think, for me there came a realization that relationships, and not just romantic ones, are the single most potent source of stress in my life. I found myself keeping to myself more and more as I entered into treatment.

A couple of things happened during this time. First, I learned how to be with myself, got to know myself more, worked harder at my career and spent more time as a parent. All of this led me to love and appreciate who I am and taught me some valuable skills in regard to self-care and self-security. In time, I became more and more open to relationships. I have a “significant-other” and though we have tried to live with each other but have found that (for now) we do best with a little space built in to the relationship. I have new friendships as well but even these relationships are protected from too much "enmeshment."

In retrospect I can see how my past relationships were so intense that they simply burned out. I am starting to realize that unhealthy people attract unhealthy people. It was not only me who was behaved in dysfunctional ways in these past relationships. There were many interactions going on. However, I can only deal with my own diagnosis and self-understanding. I am very careful now about whom I let into my life, I take things slow and easy. Knowing that I am my own best friend helps me to evaluate my relationships a little more evenly than in the past.

I do wonder if Borderline Personality disorder is simply an overreaction to an extreme need to learn how to take care of oneself. It seems the more I do that, the healthier I am. I am the one person who will not abandon me. And yes, I do spend more time alone, less now than as I entered into recovery but certainly a lot more than when I was extremely ill. I am as healthy as I have ever been and I do attribute some of that wellness to solitude.

This is my truth, for what it is worth.