Q. I thank u in advance for reading my letter. I believe I have borderline personality disorder, along with bi-polar disorder. I would like to get an accurate diagnosis and some help with this problem. the main reason I wrote though, was to ask for your advice on how to tell my parents. I'm sure they'd help me, I just can't get myself to ask them for help. please offer anything you can. your response is greatly appreciated.

 

A. It's a little more difficult to give you some ideas without knowing your age (and subsequently the nature of your relationship with your parents), but I'll share some general thoughts. First, if your parents are aware of your problems (i.e., they notice your mood changes or are aware of some of your choices or behaviors) you can let them know that you have been more concerned lately and have decided to get some professional opinions about what to do. You can then share your experiences going in to get help and perhaps share with them the diagnosis of bpd (if that is accurate). You can even tell them about what your next steps are if you wish (i.e., "I've agreed to come in to see the counselor weekly). Its at this time that you may want to ask for help.

Remember though that despite the increased public understanding and acceptance about mental illness, emotional problems, and counseling, a stigma against the latter three things still exists. That means it is very difficult to predict how others (even your own parents) are going to react to this information. They may be very supportive, they may not. They may tell you that your problems "aren't that bad" or "you don't need that". Therefore, do yourself a favor and don't set up an expectation in your mind about how your parents are going to respond. Rather, remind yourself that you are giving them this information in case there is anyway that they can help (not prevent you from obtaining the help).

Lastly, remember that parents (9 times out of 10) will feel somewhat responsible for their child's problems (regardless of their age) and it is common for parents to either feel guilty or upset that a problem exists. That's partially the reason why many parents ask the question "how could this have happened?". There is no simple explanation about the causes of bpd. We do know that it is usually a combination of many things (genetics, brain chemistry, parent relationships, early childhood trauma, etc...) that leads to the development of bpd. Remind your parents that the question isn't how did this develop, but rather what am I going to do from here to get the right professional help. Use a physical illness such as cancer to help illustrate your point that "how" something develops (lung cancer developed due to smoking) isn't as important as finding the right treatment (lung cancer cured by chemotherapy and radiation). As you can see, the "cause" has no effect on choosing the right treatment.

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