Q. I have a friend who has been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and has been the victim of incest by her father. She is married, has 2 kids and is in therapy. I want to be a good friend to her and not reject her as many others have in the past, but I am scared to get involved b/c of the inherent problems she has due to BPD. She has many gifts and can be kind and gentle but I don't know if we can really have a friendship knowing that there is potential rage, splitting, self mutilation etc. My heart goes out to her, as I can see how she suffers. I want to be a consistent person in her life but I am afraid I may get swept up in the chaos.

What can I do to keep the relationship healthy? I have been able to set boundaries for myself and share them with her, and I try my best to listen and not give advice. Am I on the right track?

 

A. Absolutely you're on the right track. Setting limits up front, honoring those limits, and being consistent with them will go a long way in maintaining your relationship with her. As your friendship grows, talk with her about how you both can use each of your strengths and gifts to preserve your friendship. She may want a confidant who she can turn to at times for a "reality check" or 'grounding'. As a consistent person in her life, you may be able to help her grow and trust which are essential for developing future relationships.

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