What do I do if I suspect a friend or family member suffers from the BPD?

I really believe that the most appropriate and respectful approach to this situation is to sit down with the friend/family member and share YOUR concerns about them and how YOU feel about what you're seeing. Using "I Statements" such as "I really have been worried about you lately"..."I really got scared last night when you talked about cutting yourself (or killing yourself)".

You can then begin to talk about whether s/he would give some consideration to seeking some help or assistance. Asking a question will likely be more effective than directing them to treatment. For example, "Would you consider/think about talking to a doctor about what you've been going through? "Do you think talking to a professional counselor/therapist would be helpful to you?" This sows a seed with the person that you are concerned enough with what you are seeing that treatment may be warranted without TELLING s/he to "go get help".

Regarding the diagnosis of bpd. Providing a quick diagnosis or label to the behaviors will likely do more harm than good, in that others (think about how you would feel) rarely want their problems to be simplified or neatly packaged into a diagnosis (i.e., "it appears you behave that way because you have BPD."). Shy away from discussing a label or diagnosis since it is the behavior/symptoms you are likely more concerned about at this time.