Story #27

Here's my story. I remember having a fun life as a child, but my dad yelled at me a lot and called me dumb, ditzy all the time. My parents divorced and this is when all hell broke loose. What stands-out in my memory the most is how terrible it was in the 5th grade.

After the divorce, my mom moved me and my sister to a small, joyless house, in a neighborhood where every kid I knew in it, hated me. I was this shy, to myself girl. I was teased, beaten by my sister (My mother never intervened or tried to make things a little cozier for me. I was basically left to die.

Now, I think back, my mother was just vindictive and used this on me a lot in justification) Anyway, I never understood why I was so mistreated, and I grew up wondering what went wrong.

I was into drugs, alcohol. a lot of sex, and a lot of fear all through my teens. I had two pregnancies where I had abortions, and the doctor must have ripped my guts out or something, because I had two hemorrhages after my second abortion, and my mother didn't give a damn either way. I was left to fend for myself the whole time. She provided a house and sometimes enough to eat, but she didn't give a damn either way truthfully.

I still try to get anyone to like me today. I freak-out if rejected by someone who matters to me, and I just expect it from the rest of the fucked-up world. I do have a bad attitude and feel justified. Face-it, people are mean and enjoy hurting each other. This is how I think a lot, and I don't understand it, and I don't like it. But Ill be damned if I'm going to let suicide take me, because I'm certain that's what the world wants anyway, and I won't let it be satisfied.

I've had several relationships with all sorts of men. I've been very promiscuous, When the men reject me, I become like Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction, but not quite as severe. I don't go broiling rabbits to be vindictive, I just p-p-out and scream. By the way, my nickname is P-P-Piglet because I'm fat. My fat protects me from any new fatal attractions i tend to get myself involved in, and I've been abstinent from them for 5 years. I'm 33 years old now, and I heard bpd tapers off about this time in life, so I'm waiting for my sanity to return that left me somewhere around 10 years old when I started to go through puberty.

The embarrassment from my disorder is terrible when I mess up and get aggressive with someone who I think deserves it. I really could jump out of my own body into a more sane one until bpd tapers off, but when will that be, and how long will I have to transport out of my own body. Do you think I'm weird yet? I do, and so does a lot of other people and I'm always suffering from rejection and ridicule, even though I'm very pretty and composed. Somebody always has to ruffle my feathers, only the meek little woman they are trying to upset is already upset enough and they are wasting their time trying to make it worse. They should just sit back and watch me suffer. Maybe they can eat some popcorn while they are at it. Ha-Ha-Ha